One Day at a Time

Nancy E.

“I remember my dad holding me at my mom’s funeral. I remember looking at her in the casket and seeing how upset my Dad was. He loved her so much. Mom had a bad heart and died in the hospital from pneumonia while being treated.”

This is one of Nancy’s earliest memories. It was a cold January day. She also remembers the previous Christmas, when her oldest brother was in the Air Force but was able to come home for the holidays. He let her sip his beer. She eventually got drunk and passed out. She was only six.

Nancy grew up with two older sisters and brothers, and had a relatively great childhood. After her mom died, her dad remarried and Nancy never developed a positive relationship with her stepmother. Nancy’s dad was always loving, but her stepmom was very strict and would make Nancy “pick the switch” to be punished with, leaving welts on her from head to toe.

Nancy grew up in a small Colorado town and was doing well in school. But at age 12, most of her friends and the older kids were drinking and she began drinking heavily along with them. One of Nancy’s brothers looked after her during this time. They became very close and went to rodeos and dances together.

“He always watched over me, but at the same time, he was my biggest drinking partner,” says Nancy. He eventually graduated from high school and joined the Navy. “Having him leave was awful. I missed him so much! That was when my stepmom opened a café and bar in our little town.”

“My sister and I had to wait on tables during our lunch breaks and after school. Then go home to do chores and homework. We also spent a lot of time playing pool or foosball or pinball when the bar wasn’t busy. I started smoking pot along with drinking.” Nancy was about 14 years old at this time.

Nancy and her sister noticed their stepmom start to act strange about money. They managed to look over the business checkbook and figured out that there were severe money problems with the cafe. One night, Nancy hid a note for her dad in his truck about what she and her sister discovered.

The following night, Nancy’s dad came home and told her stepmom what he knew and that he wanted a divorce. Nancy and her sister were beyond joy! Unfortunately, Nancy’s dad died from a massive heart attack three days after the divorce was final.

“I was staying at a friend’s house that night and woke up crying, knowing something had happened to my dad. About five minutes later, my sister and her boyfriend arrived to let me know what happened. I was devastated.”

Nancy’s oldest sister moved back to Colorado from California to take care of Nancy. Her other sister moved in with some friends. Nancy’s brother in the Navy went AWOL a couple times and began drinking heavily. “Dad’s death was hard on all of us. My brother really took it hard. I hid my pain by drinking, too,” says Nancy.

“We had to move closer to Denver so my sister could find a job. The size of my class went from 10 to about 30. I was in shock over this and many other things. All I wanted to do was get high. I wouldn’t even get out of bed for school till I smoked a joint. But somehow I made it through and graduated from high school.”

They moved in with Nancy’s sister’s boyfriend who owned his own roofing business. He also had a fully stocked bar in his basement. So Nancy was always drinking. She started college and worked two jobs to get her own apartment. But she also partied hard ... coke and booze at night and speed during the day.

Nancy married a man who partied as hard as she did. She quit school and was laid off from both jobs. She got pregnant and stopped drugs and boozing. She still smoked cigarettes, but very little. Her husband became physically abusive and Nancy kicked him out soon after her son was born. Nancy had stayed relatively clean up until then, but was soon back to her old ways.

Nancy was persistent about making a better life for herself and her son. She eventually enrolled in medical school at Parks Junior College. But her coke use ultimately took over her life and she checked herself into rehab at St. Luke’s. She stayed sober for five years.

Then some “friends” hanging out at her house got her to try meth. The obsession started all over again. “By now, my son was the same age I was when I started drinking,” said Nancy. “I hid my meth use from him for a long time. While I was at work one day, he and a friend snooped through the house and found my pipes and other stuff. I finally sat down and talked to him about it. I knew by then he was doing it, too. We eventually started doing it together.”

It was about this time that Nancy’s sister who raised her died. Nancy’s meth use then became dangerously excessive and she stopped giving her son the attention he needed. She grieved the loss of her sister for several months before apologizing to her son.

For the next several years, Nancy and her son continued a hard life of living day to day. Nancy lived in Arizona without her son for awhile. He got in trouble with the law and Nancy traveled to Denver often to help him out. Eventually, the back and forth became too much and Nancy returned to Colorado and the two of them got an apartment. They were both drug free for about six months before using together again.

The next couple of years were spent living with friends and working day labor jobs. Nancy’s son was arrested for possession and placed on probation. He ultimately got a six year prison sentence for parole violation.

It was during this time that Nancy’s brother who had been her “drinking partner” at such an early age, died in Arizona. She was able to get help from the Jeffco Action Center for a plane ticket to attend the funeral. He was an alcoholic and died from a heart attack. Nancy hardly spoke to her oldest brother during this trip, but Nancy and her sister got along pretty well. The entire situation was another hard blow to Nancy’s life.

A few years ago, Nancy was hired by a woman to clean house and help transport her daughter to various court dates, drug and alcohol classes, and to visit her kids. Nancy was allowed to use the woman’s debit card to purchase household items, gas and food. Her son was living with some friends.

A chain of events left Nancy at this women’s house alone for a few months as the caretaker. The woman’s daughter returned one day with her mother’s debit card and told Nancy it was ok to use it again for household items. It wasn’t ok. The woman charged Nancy with identity theft and she spent several months in jail. After her release, she was ordered to four years probation. Her weekly drug tests kept proving positive and she was facing a six year sentence. Nancy offered to enter a residential rehabilitation program. The court accepted her decision. That is what brought her to Sobriety House.

“I want to be here because my son is in prison and I can’t help him when he is released, if I don’t help myself first.” says  Nancy. “I am so blessed to be here and to have met so many great people … other clients and the staff. I feel so much better and happier. Although things are still tough, I know in my heart things will work out if I put it in God’s hands.”

Nancy successfully completed Phase I (intensive residential treatment) at Sobriety House. She is currently in Phase II (halfway house) looking for a full time job. She is one of the most tenacious people ever to work through the programs at Sobriety House. Because of the ID theft charge on her record, her job search has been exceptionally trying. But she has not given up! She takes it one day at a time.